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ERIC's blog archive...
23 Apr 2013...
(The) Evil Dead
I’m not usually a fan of remakes if the film doesn’t need it; the well written Le Dinner De Cons, intended for both people who are ‘cons’ and intelligent, was butchered by the awful Dinner… Read on…
Leave a comment >22 Apr 2013...
Day 112: Meek Day
And the award for keeping up with his New Year’s Resolution goes to… Eric Lampaert! Congratulations! You’ve written every day since the 1st January like you promised. Well, you’ve missed out 101 days, but it’s… Read on…
Leave a comment >15 Feb 2013...
A Good Day To Die Hard
It was indeed A Good Day To Die Hard when I went to the cinema, alone, on Valentine’s Day, alone, so alone. I wished the film was in 3D so armoured trucks could crash through… Read on…
Leave a comment >22 Jan 2013...
Day 22: I’m back from AmERICa. Let’s go to St Petersburg!
I boarded a plane leaving America yesterday, 21st January. Or as the Yanks might say; January 21st. Or as they might say again, Martin Luther King Jr Day (although his birthday is on 15th January)…. Read on…
Leave a comment >17 Jan 2013...
I am Adam Lanza. I have the right to keep and bear jellyfish
When I travel to a foreign country, I like to live like the locals. You go to France; you eat the cheese. You visit Amsterdam; you smoke their weed. I’m in America; I’m going to… Read on…
Leave a comment >09 Jan 2013...
Day 9: Or is it Day 8? A day late? What’s the date?
Less than 24 hours in the United States and I’m practically AmERICan. First time driving on this side of the pond today, and it’s not as hard as I anticipated. I thought you had to… Read on…
1 Comment >08 Jan 2013...
Day 8: The Homeless Violin Man
Books! Thanks to books I don’t have to acknowledge anyone’s existence while I’m on public transport. I’m not being rude. I just don’t care enough to strike up a forced conversation about the weather with… Read on…
Leave a comment >07 Jan 2013...
Day 7: Zeus does the fandango
In 1610, Galileo Galilei, who’s been called the father of modern observational astronomy, modern physics, science & modern science, discovered four moons of Jupiter (pronounced “Jew Peter” just in case, you never came across this… Read on…
Leave a comment >06 Jan 2013...
Day 6: Maid in Orleans
January 6th is the official day to take your Christmas tree down. No more! Make sure you store it somewhere easily accessible as Christmas 2013 adverts will start in a couple of weeks. If you… Read on…
Leave a comment >05 Jan 2013...
Day 5: Don’t fuck with Louis The Algebra
“There are more people alive today than have ever died” which is pretty incredible considering the amount of people that have died in the past. Remember World War 2? Loads! And Ghengis Khan got busy…. Read on…
Leave a comment >04 Jan 2013...
Day 4: Orbit-uary: the electric elephant
Day 4 on Earth 2013. But more unimportantly, it’s Day 2 of Celebrity Big Bother! (Get it?) Oh how I wish the Mayans were right! I have nothing against the contestants. I just feel that… Read on…
Leave a comment >03 Jan 2013...
Day 3: Speed 3; this time there’s no bomb. Just points on your license!
Day three. The magic number it’s been claimed. And how did I spend my magical third day in the New Year? Like everyone should! By attending a National Speed Awareness Scheme. Hurray for controlled fun!… Read on…
Leave a comment >02 Jan 2013...
Day 2: Razryadka you French maths geek
The 2nd January, also known as the ninth day of Christmas, which means I can still wish you all a Merry Christmas. All I need from today is for my true love to gift me… Read on…
Leave a comment >01 Jan 2013...
Day 1: New Year’s resolution
Today is the 1st January, and so with this, comes the incessant need to tell people what resolution you must live by for the whole year (or for as long as you can stop smoking,… Read on…
Leave a comment >29 Dec 2012...
HIGHLIGHTS OF MY 2012
Happy New Year! Hope you’ve all had a lovely Christmas, Hanukkah, or whatever it is you might or might not celebrate during the month of December. A few things us humans can all be thankful… Read on…
1 Comment >26 Nov 2012...
The rain in the UK stays mainly on the train
We humans can send a rocket to the moon, which probably has to go through some sort of rain on the way there, but we can’t have functioning trains during a drizzle. What the shizzle?!… Read on…
Leave a comment >23 Nov 2012...
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2
Disclaimer: I don’t call myself a reviewer cos I have no idea how to write one, before you start complaining that I don’t know what I’m talking about. This is just words about the film…. Read on…
Leave a comment >18 Nov 2012...
I’ll poppy cap in your ass!
Comedy’s about great timing, which is why I laughed very hard when they (not sure who they are, but they’re hilarious) brought out a new call of Duty game after Remembrance Day. Great timing. I’m… Read on…
Leave a comment >18 Nov 2012...
Middle Class Drowning
I nearly drowned once. I’m usually so good in water. Especially in a bath. I’m really good in one of those. It’s shallow, there’s always something to hang on to and you can easily read… Read on…
Leave a comment >03 Nov 2012...
Bath Time
I marinate in a bubble bath of blue water, with long limbs dangling out of the small tub, like a drowning spider. Steam escaping my emerging limbs to surface later on my unseen reflection. My… Read on…
1 Comment >04 Sep 2012...
Total Recall
Disclaimer: I don’t call myself a reviewer cos I have no idea how to write one, before you start complaining that I don’t know what I’m talking about. This is just words about the film…. Read on…
Leave a comment >29 Aug 2012...
The Expendables 2
Disclaimer: I don’t call myself a reviewer cos I have no idea how to write one, before you start complaining that I don’t know what I’m talking about. This is just words about the film…. Read on…
Leave a comment >26 Aug 2012...
Comedy Compering Catch 22
Last night, 25th August 2012, I was faced with one of the biggest challenges of my professional career as both a comedian and a human being. I open the show as MC at Just The… Read on…
8 Comments >19 Aug 2012...
A brief guide to London – Going underground
Not long now till I enter through my zone four front door, bringing home the zone one bread to finally enjoy my day, or whatever chrono-crumbs of the day-ciabatta I have left to savour. But… Read on…
Leave a comment >04 Apr 2012...
You’re toast!
There she is, the girl of my dreams. Knees on the floor, gag in mouth, surrounded by other scared looking hostages, hands tied up behind her back, AK47 to her head. To her magnificent head…. Read on…
Leave a comment >07 Mar 2012...
Safe House
Disclaimer: I don’t call myself a reviewer cos I have no idea how to write one, before you start complaining that I don’t know what I’m talking about. This is just words about the film…. Read on…
Leave a comment >21 Feb 2012...
The Woman In Black
Disclaimer: I don’t call myself a reviewer cos I have no idea how to write one, before you start complaining that I don’t know what I’m talking about. This is just words about the film…. Read on…
1 Comment >21 Feb 2012...
Free poem. Free! Come on! Buy it! Now. Buy. Buy. Sell
Life is indeed very bleak at the moment and this is all too obvious on the television (if you haven’t sold it yet) Adverts are played all day, every day, when the poor and unemployed… Read on…
Leave a comment >12 Feb 2012...
Red card to all footballers! Or should I say race card…
BREAKING NEWS! Surprise surprise, something small-minded has transpired on Planet Football ( Population: unfortunately-millions-and-most-of-them-ignorant-intransigent-idiots ) If I’m honest, I don’t fully know the story (cos I don’t really care) but something about one guy that… Read on…
Leave a comment >02 Feb 2012...
WARNING: Reading this may cause DEATH!
OH NO! Have you heard of the ‘evil skin-eating super bug death’ that you are unlikely to maybe not catch on public transport or other places like your home or outside or inside from strangers,… Read on…
Leave a comment >14 Jan 2012...
Pubic Toilet
Is there no more escape from a public toilet without having to brush a stranger’s pubic hair off the porcelain throne? I’ve lost count (cos I don’t count) the amount of times I’ve soaked up… Read on…
3 Comments >01 Jan 2012...
Happy New Year?
Happy New Year! I would favor the exclamation “New Year” for I do not possess the foresight to predict whether it will indeed be a happy one. Don’t get me wrong, I’m gonna aim to… Read on…
Leave a comment >04 Dec 2011...
Stealing, Sex Shops and Grape Scissors
Happy New Year (or you could get a good second hand year from a charity shop) It’s not a new year without that ‘fresh start’ feeling and what with the government raising taxes or something… Read on…
Leave a comment >04 Dec 2011...
Cash, Cards, Cheques Championship
I have a dream that one day, on this coin-shaped sphere we call Earth, (which money makes go round apparently, but there isn’t enough funding to scientifically prove that theory), people of all colours unite… Read on…
Leave a comment >04 Dec 2011...
Don’t pray for Japan; Pay for Japan
On the 11th March 2011, the World shook ensuing one of Japan’s most catastrophic Earthquakes measuring 9.1 on the Richter scale. Although the rest of the planet were ogling comfortably on their dry sofa at… Read on…
Leave a comment >03 Mar 2011...
The World Fell On My Head
What does one do when a map of the world falls on you? What a fright! Especially at night, you’ve no sight, to see what country is resting on your face. The noise of a… Read on…
Leave a comment >16 Feb 2011...
The boy with wheels instead of feet
Into this world was born a boy With wheels instead of feet The parents were proud and full of joy For all of their family and all of their friends Wanted to greet and wanted… Read on…
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