A Call To Adventure
After a 72 hour hold on suicide watch, brought about by my last journal entry, which triggered my employers to understandably let me go and advise me to seek professional help, I emerge from voluntary incarceration with even more determination to lean into the crazy.
As I weave my shoelaces back on my sneakers, an idea pops in my head, I have nothing to lose, I have no income, I’m already in debt with no sign of paying it off, I have little to no companionship here, let’s just go back to Europe.
“Don’t sell your motorbike”.
That’s all I kept thinking.
“Don’t sell your motorbike”.
I still have 15K to pay off on it, and although I’ve managed so far to slowly make monthly payments, I do not have the bill of ownership that would allow me to ship it to Europe.
“Don’t sell your motorbike”.
OK, I hear you, but why?
I am determined to go back to Europe.
I want to start my career again, which has been on a large hiatus from the amnesia I experienced just before the pandemic, prompting me to believe I was dead, or asleep somewhere with this life just one big nightmare, and having written a script about a virus taking over the globe just before the death of all my memories, you can perhaps imagine why it’s hard to return to “normal” when you’ve suddenly found yourself in Hell.
As soon as I am back in Europe, all my efforts will be on reviving my theatrical career; stand up comedy, the stage, Shakespeare, cinema, and on top of that, I want to finally settle down; a home, a wife, some children.
I look forward to meeting them.
So if I’m going full speed as soon as I step back in Europe, perhaps I can take my time to return.
5437 miles from home.
I usually take a flight back from Los Angeles to London, but this time, I’ll take the scenic route. I have a call to adventure. It’s like I can sense there’s a good reason for this trip, but I’m too much of a fool to truly know why.
Or I’m delusional.
There is something incredibly freeing about having nothing to lose.
A transcendent ideal.
There are tribes around the globe who send their children into the wild, not just as a test of their survival skills, but as a leap of faith, an unshakable trust in a cognitive cosmos, capable of taking care of itself and its multiple parts; an invisible hand moving its multiple components around with ease amidst the chaos.
Man with consciousness existing in an ocean of consciousness.
After everything I experienced since my hypnotherapy, the tsunami of synchronicities that has me feeling like I’m simultaneously drowning and yet, buoyant and embraced, by a force that is only waterboarding me to make me stronger.
Universal road signs, that had me feeling like I was in a script, beckoning me to question the nature of my reality, my purpose in life, fate.
It’s difficult to comprehend.
Whatever it is, I have either gained a connection to an intelligence that some might call God, or like I said, I’m delusional, which is just as possible.
Perhaps God is an aftereffect of crushing trauma and crippling loneliness.
Maybe.
Maybe Man created God to not feel abandoned in the unknown, much like a child creates an imaginary friend in their solitude and desire for a more playful life.
Maybe.
It doesn’t explain why sometimes things manifest in a way that feels too co-ordinated to be sheer coincidence.
Do I test my hypothesis that if one is capable of transcending the metaphysical fourth wall, standing at the very edge of an abyss, with full trust, consider that you are the universe experiencing itself, and you exist in this universe, and therefore a relationship is created between you and the whole of it, and therefore, perhaps, you can surrender to it, forward into the dark and confidently take a step over the event horizon.
Knock and the door will open, right?
With all that said, I’ve decided to go on a US road trip across all 48 states on my motorbike with a goal of not only making people laugh throughout the journey, both online and in the “real World”, but with a mission to help at least 3 people per state I visit, whatever that might look like. Could be as simple as the classic helping an old lady with her groceries, to doing the dishes and serve tables at a All-American diner in return for a hot meal, to tasks more complex. It all depends on what opportunities comes my way.
That is the hypothesis.
I trust the Universe, and I’m stepping into the wild much like tribes do as a rite of passage.
Perhaps I will die doing this, and if that’s the case, know I do living the life that I want to live, one of adventure, of belief in a World of strangers that can be family, of Love that exists around us much like the oxygen which envelops us.
The goal is to stay alive.
As someone recently told me in regards to something that resonated with them from my last journal entry, “I understood that I am condemned to live while most people feel as though they are condemned to die”.
And live is what I will do.
I plan to keep a video dairy of the adventure, so you will be there to laugh along with me.
Thank you for taking the time to read it, and I am so grateful to those of you who support me, be it in a message or as a donation. As you can tell, I’m about to do something scary, and will need all the help I can get to survive the wild, so if you feel inclined to feed me some pizza, or pay for my gas, I will be very appreciative.
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/Lampaert
Lots of love,
Lamps
